God of the Hanged

A powerful post by John T Mainer:


As a person who was once prone to suicidal ideation insofar as I’ve attempted to hang myself twice (albeit, badly) and survived, I can relate to this post on several levels.

Hanging yourself is a desperate way to die, and unfortunately, I’ve learned firsthand how desperate the noose can feel.

But it was not until I experienced a structured ordeal in 2013 that brought me as close to the edge of the experience of death by hanging (without the involuntary transformation of death) that I realized the true measure of terror in a death by hanging.

Shit-breeks, indeed…as one’s body revolts in customary ways.

But three times’ a charm, as they say…and therein lies the reasons I’d never wish to venture there again.

Don’t want to push my luck.


(digital artwork: i_was_hanging_from_a_tree by Jects)



I had this vivid dream.

It began innocently enough.  My husband and I were at the beach enjoying some sort of vacation, when I was summoned away by two men.

They had come looking for me, insistent that my presence was necessary to some ritual.  Though they tried to give me directions, their explanations were contradictory if not somewhat confusing to me.

But rather than to admit I was confused, I pretended to understand them as I followed them into the woods.

Following them was difficult, and before long, I got lost in the woods.

There were so many distractions, they said, but they demanded that I observe these animals which came into my path.  One of these distraction was that I kept feeling drawn to chasing these leaves, as the words formed in the flurry of leaves around me were like a rune puzzle I had to solve.  Somehow I believed that the runes-words would help me understand what these men wanted of me.

Thus, they told me what to do to follow them and how to do what they wanted, but I still had trouble staying on task.

It was like a string of fairy tale puzzles, or perhaps even a poem…as the two strangers told me these directions:

Follow the wolf to water.

Watch how the fox woos his mate.

Listen to three blackbirds building their nest and it is of vital importance to memorize their song.

Follow the bear hunting his meal

And you must undo your hair (as I braided my hair before I fell asleep) and in the undoing, carefully now, you must undo the weaving of the path – for every undoing it is a turn in the road.

Left then two right turns then a left and a right then stop and drink.

Be certain to heed the angle of the sun.

And only then, when it is all undone, might you look back where you have been.


When all was said and done, we were at the top of a steep hill, perhaps a mountain.

True to their word, it was a stunning overview of the path I had taken to follow them over the past several hours and I could see down into the valley and the beach I had left.

Looking down, I assumed it would take me a few hours to get back to beach (and also, back to my husband, who was waiting there.)

Much to my dismay, I realized I couldn’t see myself making it back before sundown- I knew I’d lose the way in the dark.

“I am afraid of the dark,” I whimpered, suddenly disinterested in the stunning views.

And Odin — yes it was Odin — chuckled and asked me: It is no matter; what have you learned?  Tell me how the wolf finds water, the Fox his mate, the birds their nest, the bear his meal and how do you undo the riddle in your hair?  Do you know the runes?  The door is wide and you will walk through it . Have you solved the puzzle? 

You  have spent time with Me.

Now you may go home.

And suddenly I was back on the beach.
And my husband lay in the sand, sunbathing.

As my shadow fell over him, he looked up at me, grinning, nonchalantly, as if I’d only been gone but a moment.

He looked relaxed, unconcerned with the passage of time it had taken me to return, perhaps unaware how I had been retrieved back to him.

I asked him how long I had been gone.

“I dunno…maybe 15 minutes?”

It was weird!

Now awake, I think more upon this dream:

The wolf wet his ear.

There was water on their fingers as They* touched my ears.

The Fox woos his mate by arming/marking her chest with blood.

I look down at my chest, knowing what I saw, but I am relieved to see no marks, no blood.

The bird song is a pattern in the forest, a trail marked by sticks.

Perhaps like the Glory Twig…I saw bundles of sticks in patterns strangely familiar, but I’m not certain of their meanings.

And the runes on the leaves – I chased them on the wind and it brought everything – including me! – further into the woods.  Brought me to them.

(Like the runes on the travel charm).

In the dream, I recall I had wanted to braid some of these leaves into my hair, but I didn’t know how.  So I shyly asked the other man to help me, and he did by placing a few of them into my hair, casually mentioning how they could be woven into a pattern.

(I remember the other man talking as he helped me collect and place the leaves in before I had to unbraid my hair….and his words were a pattern too.**)

We should hurry up, He had whispered to me, He has been waiting a long time, and suddenly His tone seemed reminiscent of a young boy conspiring to play hooky, reluctant to go back to school.

When I apologized, He only laughed, responding:

He is patient. 

The sweat of your brow is what He wants.  He wants your difficulties.

Oh, and those thoughts in your head. *tapping my head for emphasis*  They mean something. 

This work.  This is the work.  These are the lessons. 

Make the pattern with your words always. 

The patterns of words bring Us to you, and you to Us.

A prayer.  An offering.

We are listening.


It was nice to think that I got to see Loki even if I didn’t realize it…or get to choose how I could touch Him.

(However, He was allowed to choose how to touch me.  But I notice that He was careful not to be too much of a distraction – not too distracting!  I suppose I’ve still got lessons to learn.)

And before I woke up, the last thing He said:

You must not get distracted so easily until We are done with the lessons.

(I don’t know which lessons, or to whom He was referring: He and I? Odin and I?)


* There were always two men throughout the dream – yet oddly enough, there seemed to be only one present and talking to me at any given time – though it was not until afterwards that I realized Who each of Them seemed to be!

** Perhaps he was Loki? – and He was explaining how He had taught Odin the song that got me to listen?

How odd it feels – to be certain and yet uncertain….at the same time!



Know how to cut them,
know how to read them,
Know how to stain them,
know how to prove them,
Know how to evoke them,
know how to score them,
Know how to send them,
know how to send them.’


He asks me if I know how to send.
As in an idea, as in energy.
It’s not so much manipulation as highlighting an idea.

Send it to their head.

Empty stomach, empty head.
Do it now.

He tells me it is very much like a game that I had played as a child:

I’m thinking of a number between 1 and 10.

Concentrate on that number.

Now. Send me that number.

If it is manipulation, it is implanting an idea-an illusion – ‘pushing’ the energy/idea at them.

Perhaps it is simply a form of persuasion, a basic negotiation.
I saw him sitting before me: and I sent an image to him just as he did me.
You can accept… or reject.

A strong person knows their own mind, a ‘weak’ person can be swayed, in that sense.


Do you sense it?


You can feel it, yes?

You can send the desire to contact, to engage to another. 

You invite across space. 

This is why you must be careful of your thoughts, the images you project towards yourself, about yourself. 

Practice waiting.  Luring. Connecting. 

Practice being the gatekeeper of your own thoughts. 

It’s all about self control. 

A self-possessed person can manifest anything they want if they send it out there.

Thoughts have that power. 

Thoughts can bring things to you- it’s a form of manifestation. 

You can create reality for yourself: what you want.  You can create what other people want of you.

And I saw him.  Sitting before me.  He looked young, feral, noble.

Light brown hair, beard, piercing blue eye(s) -grey clothes/furs, mixed with black.
Send to me.  I am waiting, he said.

A thought put forward with an added energy push.

For the first time ever, I complied.

No tricks, no switching, no distractions were necessary.
And it was rather intense and yet hugely fulfilling.

Like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

I wasn’t fighting anymore.